Wedding Planning

     Men LOVE wedding planning! Am I right, or am I right? haha kidding, kidding of course.  Generally I think we could agree that most men don't get the warm fuzzies by thinking of what colors will look best at the reception or what kind of flowers are the prettiest.   What most don't think of and what I had hadn't taken time to think about was how wedding planning is an important part of decision making as a couple.  

       Until I had gone to class and learned some important new information on planning I was already on my way to planning my wedding!  I was so excited!  The colors were picked out, reception planned; I knew exactly what I wanted.  Then came the sad realization in class that I hadn't really included my cute fiance'.  He didn't mind much, because lets be honest, he was only really interested in planning the honeymoon.   My teacher taught us, wedding planning is essential to learning how to make decisions as a couple.  When I get married i'm not the only one who will be making all the decisions, so establishing a healthy pattern of planning is important now. 

     Most of us girls love to (and should every now and then) run to mom with planning and questions about marriage.  Its great to look to our families and others for advice, however this could create some bad patterns as well. Have you ever seen where if there was a problem between you and your husband one of you turns to the mom for advice or comfort?  This can be bad because instead of creating a strong bond with your spouse, you create a stronger bond with your mom when times get tough.  Cleave to one another instead! It might be tough at first, but stick it out and rely on each other for strength.  

     Budgeting in a wedding is so hard as well!  Nobody wants to spend a lot of money and looking for the best deals is a real pain.  Its no cake walk in marriage either.  Consult with one another in planning and figure out what you can afford.  Keeping each other informed will be a big help throughout your marriage as well. 

So what i'm trying to say here is....wedding planning is good practice!  Any kind of planning is good practice on compromising and learning how to make decisions TOGETHER as EQUALS.  

Dating and Marriage

    The topic of the week that really sparked my interest in class was about marriage and dating (of course).  We learned that the way we date, is the way our marriage will end up to be.  Whomever the main provider in your relationship will likely be the provider in your marriage.  Also it was mentioned that most women marry with the idea that things will change and men marry with the idea that everything will stay the same.  This can be a bit of an issue in marriage if nothing changes and the wife becomes unhappy and the husband cant understand why.  You have to love each other "as is" before you go into marriage.
    How well do you really know your significant other anyways?  It is said that you dont even begin to know another until you hit three months.  And thats just the beginning!  There are 3 T's to knowing someone.  Togetherness, Talk, and Time.  You need to have experiences together, in a variety of settings to fully know how the other person will react to different situations.  How will you know how to give comfort to your loved one if you have never seen them in distress or upset?  Talking is important because you create a mutually disclosed relationship with one another and experience self-revelation through knowing someone else.  Communication is always key.  Lastly is time.  Spend time with your loved one, only with time can you truley gain an appreciation of who they are.  Lust will wear away a little but respect and deep love will be nurished over time.

How long do you think it takes to really know someone?  How long would you date before considering marriage?

Homosexuality: Can it change?

     This is a controversial blog post.  Its also what we're learning about in family relations and is/has always been a big topic of debate among society and scholars.   Now this isnt just an opinion based post either, its well informed.  I've personally written research papers and spent hours online looking into the topic of homosexuality and its paradigms.  Common questions are, is it biological or by choice, and can someone who is homosexual change their feelings and get rid of their same gender attractions? I'll start off with my stance by saying that no matter what you are; gay, lesbian, straight...I don't care what you are.  I wanna look at the facts and keep this as objective as possible.
    Lets first disprove the notion that homosexuality is genetic.  If it was genetic wouldn't identical twins both be gay of one of them was?  In studies done on a gay twins only 11% of twins BOTH have same gender attraction.  Also genes responsible for homosexuality would have died out because of the lack of reproductivity among couples of the same gender.  These are only a couple of examples.
   Lets look at things that support the idea of genetics.  Some studies have shown differences in the brain size and activity of a man with same gender attraction and a straight male.  Studies such as this havent been proven to be true but doesnt disprove the genetic possibility of having a TENDENCY to be more attracted to the same gender.
     Every study that I have read says that there are MULTIPLE reasons for same gender attraction.  It is neither ONLY biology or ONLY choice.  It is generally a combination of the two.  Question: If you are gay do you have the ability to change?  My answer is yes, and thats not just my opinion.  A study done on gay males has given us proof that with therapy and the DESIRE to change it can be done.  You increase the masculinity and self confidence of the male and look at his past and emotional history.  The APA ignores and doesnt present information that you can change but it is possible. This video can explain it better than myself.
http://vimeo.com/71799175.

TAKE A LOOK! Tell me what you think!

Culture Question

-It has become de rigueur to claim that all cultures and their values are equally valid or valuable. What do you think? Are all cultures equal in terms of being right and wrong, good and bad? Do we have the right to proclaim one set of values to be better than another?

Yes, I believe it is easy for someone to state that we are all equal.  It goes along with the idea of "easier said than done."  I could say that we are all equally valuable, but I myself have never been in a circumstance where I have felt culturally invalidated.  Actually come to think of it...when I studied abroad in Mexico last semester I felt plenty of times that what I had to say and what I was culturally didnt matter because I was out of my element.  My circumstances didnt apply to the setting I was in, therefore I didnt fit in with the people and their lifestyle/culture.  I think that validity of a culture deeply has to do with the setting that you are in.  I did not fit the social norms of my setting.  

Also the question of "are some cultures good, bad, right, or wrong"  is highly subjective.  We would first need to define what the critera of being good, bad, right, or wrong are.  Who are we to say that someone's culture and the way their family opperates is wrong?  To them, their culture is highly effective and could help them opperate within their setting and environment.  How can that be wrong?  Ideas of what is right and wrong are different for everyone and usually comes along with a set of moral beliefs.  What I believe is wrong might not be to someone else. Does God say that our values are better than everyone else's? I wonder what he thinks?  I dont know enough to say, but what I do know is that we have been taught that different religions and cultures around the world each have little bits of truth.  They might not have the fullness of our gospel(The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) but they have some of it, therefore I feel it is important to respect all ways of life, and to know we are all brothers and sisters. 

social class

Alright!  So lately i've been thinking a lot about social class.  If a person grows up in a certain class, does that mean they are stuck in that class for the rest of their lives?  So many sources say, yes.  I've watched a couple videos talking about the statistics of social class and how we interact among one another and, money is such a big factor!  One of the most interesting facts that I found was that "having a father in the home is one of the biggest predictors for poverty."  Those without one are more likely to be in poverty.  This is happening more are more this day and age.  Here are some interesting statistics from my family relations class.  In the 1950's 50% of single mothers opted to keep their babies, 47% would put them up for adoption, and 1% abortion.  Are you interested to see what it was like in 2000?  50% would still keep their baby, BUT 1% would go the adoption route while a staggering 47% would terminate their pregnancy.  What does this have to do with social class?  It might seem like my topic went a little wily nilly, BUT the family structure is greatly related to your social class.   Married couples tend to have better incomes, more stability, and therefore a higher social class.  I sometimes wonder if the amount of children you have goes along with social class too? I wonder if me being an only child affects my status or not?  What do you think?  What have you experienced?