Fatherhood!

       This is on fatherhood!! Its where I gush about my cute fiancé' who's got what it takes to be a fantastic father in the future, and its about what I think is important to have in the household to ensure a strong family relationship regarding the father. 

               The first step I’m going to take in order to ensure that my family has a strong father figure is to be very selective in who I marry.   I looked for a man who exemplified everything that a father should be.  Of course no man without children is going to be ready right of the bat for children, but they can have the qualities needed to raise others around them to their full potential.  That’s what my Steve does for everyone around him. I found a man who is strong in the gospel and who can bring the priesthood into my home.  It is good to find someone who makes you want to be the best version of yourself that way you are always being held to the highest degree.  When an individual has the ability to uplift everyone around them and make them want to be a better person they command a certain respect from others.  This is the type of respect that is needed within the home to raise children in light and truth.  Children learn by example, so the first step is to find a man that can be the best example for you in your life to carry that through when you start a family together.

            I would say that the next step of course would be to make sure your spouse is enthusiastic about your future and children’s lives.  Making sure that the father does activities with the children is very important to letting them know of his care and concern for them.  I think role specific jobs are no good.  Dad should tuck the kids in and kiss them goodnight just as much as mom does.  Most importantly children should see mom and dad as a unified front that will protect and guide them as one.  Support one another and as mom shows her love and support for her husband the children will learn from that and love their father just as well.  It is not only the job of the father to stay involved but the love and kind words of the mother that help uplift dad in his household calling.  Learn, guide, and love together as you are raising children and they will see the importance of the role of their fathers in their lives.
     If I may make a side note: It is also important to be the sort of father that is hardworking.  Who will not only be willing to work hard in their career but who will put forth that same effort to working to have a strong family.  My dad has been a hard worker his whole life and has done everything in order to make my mom and myself happy and who over time has only gotten sweater and kinder at heart.  

Full Time Mothers

   Alright boys and girls, Its time to address a topic that is controversially near and dear to my heart.  Full-time motherhood.  Lets keep in mind that I am not a mother yet and I don't know everything.  This is solely based on my feelings and education on the topic both from my family relations class and personal views.  The main idea I want to talk about is from an article titled "Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop?"
    I have always felt that what my major goal and or duty in life to accomplish was to get the best education possible and to have a great career in which I could provide for myself and family.  A lot of this comes from how I was raised.  In my home both my mother and father worked and this was necessary.  I know my mom would have stayed home with me all the time if circumstances would have allowed.  But since this was not so, I had an excellent...and I mean EXCELLENT work ethic instilled into my genetic code.  Some may think an only child is the spoiled little gremlin, i'm here to tell you that is not always so.  I love how I grew up and I love working hard for what I have.  My parents read books with me, did lots of arts and crafts, and were always there to help with anything educational.  They never got the opportunity to go to college so above all else they pushed for my college education which I could not be more thankful for.
   I guess I always knew being a mother was the most important role I could have, but it wasn't ever the top priority at hand because, lets face it, I wasn't married and I didn't have that perspective.  Please don't be offended by my uninformed adolescent perspective, but I always thought being "only" a stay at home mom was a waste of my education.  "I could do so much more for people, I could bring more good to the world, and be successful" I told myself.  Now I see this was a slightly selfish way of looking at things.  What was it that I still had to learn?

MOTHERS ARE DIVINE. 

What is more important than being a well informed and educated mother who is responsible for bringing up those individuals who will be in charge of the development of the world to come!  We need to know what is going on, we have to have knowledge, we simply must be the best we can be to educate our children and bring them up to be informed individuals.  They need to learn respect others and know what is and isn't appropriate to say in what times.  Children are the mirror of their parents, education trickles down into their spongey little minds.  For those educated women who work at home, more power to you, you are inspiring and you have the strength to put God's creations before your own desires and you never complain.  You love your job as a mother and you already know the good you are doing in the world because of your "sacrifice".

"So it is not only nonsense that full-time homemaking means swapping the mind for a mop. It is also nonsense that the vast majority of paid work outside the home develops the mind. One may prefer to work outside the home for many reasons: a need or desire for extra income; a need to get out of the house; a need to be admired for work beyond making a home; a need for regular interaction with other adults. But the development of the intellect is not necessarily among them."


For those women who look for it, education never ends.  It is ridiculous to look down on a woman who decides to work in the home and to call her less informed and educated.  She has some of the hardest selfless work there is.  There are so many jobs that we expect our mothers to do that they most certainly do not get paid overtime for. Us children are forever in your debt, and I hope one day when I am a mother I can truly be as selfless and wonderful as my own mom who gave me everything she had and still continues to give. 

Thanks mom :) 

Family Stress and Crises (Good and the Bad)

 Is crisis always a bad event in the family?  What is a crisis and what are some positive and negative effects of this event?  A crisis is different from a stressor.  A stressor is something in every day life that can cause some extra workload or weight to be placed on the family but a crisis is an event that changes around the family dynamic.  Once this event happens nothing will ever be the same.  

     Can stress be good?  When the body undergoes a certain amount of stress it pumps out does of epinephrine and cortisol into the body that gives it the extra push to work a little more effectively and helps with memory retention.  Without that little bit of extra stress that increases heart rate and hormones in the body it would be very difficult to have those fight or flight responses that help us to jump out of the way if a car is coming or help ourselves and others in times of danger. The key is to control your stress and not let it control you.  

     Bad stress is.....well bad of course.  Sometimes if a stressor is big enough it can evolve into a crisis.  An example of one of the worst crises that a family can undergo is the death of a child.  The family system is completely changed and this stressor comes from within the family rather than outside of it and it makes it completely unavoidable.  When a stressor comes from outside of the home it is a little easier to handle because you can get away from it slightly and rely on your family for strength.  Where do you turn when the stress is stemming from the family?  "Emotional stress that stays around for weeks or months can weaken the immune system and cause high blood pressure, fatigue, depression, anxiety and even heart disease. In particular, too much epinephrine can be harmful to your heart. It can change the arteries and how their cells are able to regenerate."

Metaphors always help me:

"Focus the energy like a laser beam on what you need to do," says Tan. "Very successful people, rather than feeling disempowered, take the extra stress energy ... and make it into a high-energy, positive situation."

Dr. Paul J. Rosch, president of the American Institute of Stress compares stress to the tension in a violin string.

"Not enough produces a dull, raspy noise and too much results in an annoying shrill or snaps the string.  However, just the right amount of stress creates pleasing sounds," he says.

Might make you blush...

     Who is completely comfortable when talking about the hard facts dealign with physical intimacy?  Well honestly I think everyone should be.  Its part of life and an even bigger part of marriage.  You should feel most comfortable talking about this with your spouse.  Maybe you are both experiencing some dissatisfaction but because of lack of communication you have no idea whats going on physically with one another.  My teacher who is a marriage and family therapist mentions how many couples come in to him with this problem.  It all stems from a misunderstanding of the opposite sex.  

Soooo here are some cold hard facts that may or may not make you blush...

-It may or may not come as a surprise to you but men and women operate differently! 

-Men are excited more easily than women in part because the male anatomy is external while the females is internal. 

-Sexual intercourse (yes I said it), happens very differently for both sexes.  

-Females might take longer to become aroused partly because women tend to be thinking of more than one thing at once, whereas men can direct their attention to one subject (mainly you) very easily.  So they become aroused very fast. 

- Excitement is the first stage on a chart women's excitement goes gradually upward as men's has a steeper incline. 

-Men have a shorter pleat where as women's are longer and as they reach the climax women can have multiple whereas men go straight back down into the refractory period because they need this time to "reboot" as some might say.  

- If we look at this on a graph, men's and women's sexual experiences don't look like they line up very well. 

     It is very important for couples to have each other in mind during as they are physically intimate so that the sexual experiences you are having lines up better and each of you receive the desired satisfaction.  You can truly become of "one flesh, and of one heart," and learn to think as one.